“I’ve told you to get your coat on four times, and you still haven’t done it!!”

Ever say those words before? Like a million times?

One of the most maddening things about trying to teach kids to follow directions is that it often feels like they are not listening to you! So, what do you do if you call and call and call and call and they don’t turn around or come?

Step One: Rule out the Physical
See your pediatrician first to rule out ear infection, fluid in the ears, or excessive ear wax. If your child has ANY of these, then your voice may sound muffled or garbled, like it is coming to them from underwater and make it so they ACTUALLY CAN’T hear you! If this is the case, your pediatrician can prescribe an antibiotic to relieve the infection, recommend tubes (for chronic ear infections or fluid,) or give you some drops to soften and dissolve ear wax. Step one: rule out a physical issue before you do anything else.

Step Two: Rule out the Auditory
Once you fix the physical, follow up with a hearing test for your child. This rules out any other impairment that might be compromising your child’s hearing.

Once you’ve solved those issues, it’s time to move on to…                                                                     THE REAL REASON KIDS DON’T COME WHEN YOU CALL:

It’s not that they can’t HEAR the words.
It’s that they are not PAYING ATTENTION to the words!

Preschoolers can get very distracted by environmental noises.  You’ve learned how to filter out the dishwasher running or the TV blaring in the other room, but they haven’t.  Preschoolers can only do a few things at once; so they may be too engrossed in their play to “hear” or attend to your voice. Technically, they hear you calling them, but they are too distracted or too far way to respond in the way you would like. We parents sometimes feel like they are ignoring us on purpose! The truth is most little kids want to please the adults in their life, and they love the sound of their own name! So if they don’t respond to their name, it’s not because they are WILLFULLY ignoring you.  It’s just that they are not paying attention.

So, what to do? How do you help little kids attend to your voice?

Six Strategies that Work Every Time!

1. Move closer.
2. Make a physical connection.
3. Ask them to look at you.
4. SMILE.
5. State your request.
6. Help them physically comply by taking their hand and moving them in the right direction.

What you are working towards is lots of successful scenarios where you make a request and they do it, even if you must help them. They need lots of practice with positive outcomes!

• Don’t make a request from across the room that is easy for them to miss. Move close to your child, so they can hear and see you.

• Touch or rub them gently on the back. Kids are sensory, so a soft touch sets up a positive encounter.

• Ask them to look at you. Say “Look at my face.” If you say “Look at me” they may look at your knees and think they are complying.;-) And asking them to “Look at my eyes” can be threatening for a little kid.  Looking at your “face” pulls their eyes from what they are doing so they can hear what you are saying.

• Smile!! Force yourself even if you don’t feel like it! If your face is angry, it sets him up to resist.

• Give a direction, but use very few words. Not: “Susie, we are in a big rush and I really need you to put your coat on right away.” Rather: “Susie. Coat please” as you show her the coat.

• Help your child pair your request with action as you help her in her coat. You are saying, “Coat on” while she is putting on her coat.

• Repeat the directions as needed, still in close proximity, still helping, using the same few words.

Does all this take a little bit of time? Yes. But not as much as calling four times and angrily trying to pour a child with a tantrum into their coat!

You are training and teaching them to respond to your voice. Little by little, they will get it! And what a happy day that will be!