I had my annual physical today and the nurse asked me the same three questions she always does – multiple times in fact. “What’s your name, what’s your birthdate, and do you feel safe at home?” On the surface, all three questions seem so easy to answer. Except maybe the last one.
Have you ever wondered how many women answer question #3 with “Actually no. I don’t feel safe at home.”  Maybe not enough.                                                                                                                            It’s very vulnerable to admit that our spouse is abusive- whether it’s mentally, physically, or emotionally. It can feel shameful to admit our marriage feels scary and not safe. “What would my friends think? What would my parents think? What about my children?”
In a strange and awful way, many women feel like they deserve the abuse, that somehow it’s their fault: “If only I was stronger. If only I stood up for myself. If only I hadn’t married him.” Some women think that admitting they are being abused means that they failed at marriage. And so they (we?) cover up the truth. “It’s not that bad, I’m sure he’s sorry. He said it wouldn’t happen again.” And we never tell anyone. Because it is so shattering to say the words out loud. We’re embarrassed and ashamed; so we keep up the façade, to save face, to cover up the pain. We don’t admit to anyone, not even the nurse, that we actually do not feel safe at home. We mumble a “Yes” to the question and hope the nurse doesn’t notice our downcast face or the fear in our eyes. Or we completely mask it with a perky smile and a chipper “Yes! Of course I feel safe!”
The tragedy of the lie is that nothing ever changes and the fear remains.
It takes a great deal of courage to say the words- to admit the reality out loud. When you have been abused, you can feel beaten down and afraid to speak up. You can feel powerless and isolated. You can feel like things will never change. But that is not the truth. Things can change and you can get help!                                                                          
If you do not feel safe at home, I would like you to know in your deepest heart there are so many people who want to help you, support you, love you, and care for you in this difficult season. Women need to help other women through the toughest times. And there is someone out there to help you. You just have to tell someone.  Can you find one person you trust to share your truth, even if you can only whisper it?  Start small, but at least start. Try being honest with a person who cares for you, so it’s no longer a secret shame but a shared load.
I’ll be praying for you to find the courage to take the first step and tell someone.
In the meantime, please click on the following link to find out what resources are out there for you. http://www.thehotline.org/about-us/contact/
Everyone deserves to feel safe at home-Everyone!

Readers, if you know of someone who you suspect is in this position, can you lovingly whisper words of encouragement and support? Can you tread lightly and communicate acceptance and support? Can you direct them to the above website? There is so much power in women helping other women! Be the woman who makes the world a safer place.